Spent it getting a root canal
"Oh, how'd you like it?"
Well, it ain't that pretty at all
- Warren Zevon
With all due respect to the late Mr. Zevon, last night's "contest" at MetLife Stadium between the Giants and the Cowboys may not have been as painful as getting a root canal, but it definitely wasn't pretty at all. In fact, it was the ugliest game I've seen this franchise play in my lifetime, which includes the infamous "double reverse handoff" to Larry Csonka that wound up in the hands of Herman Edwards of the Eagles.
It started so promisingly. The Giants took the opening kickoff and drove down the field. Daniel Jones was doing what he'd done all last season: using his legs to evade pass rushers and navigating his team towards the end zone. It was 3rd and 2 at the Dallas eight yard line. It looked to all the world like Big Blue was going in for the touchdown.
That was when everything - and I do mean everything - fell apart. A false start by Andrew Thomas - their best offensive lineman last season - backed the Giants up to the Dallas 13 yard line. Now it was 3rd and 7. Still no problem; they should be able to convert, right?
Wrong. Jones was unable to corral a bad snap by rookie center John Michael Schmitz, who was so impressive during the preseason - and instead of 3rd and 7, it was 4th and 21 at the Dallas 27.
Goodbye touchdown. Oh well, at least they'd get a field goal out of it. Enter Graham Gano to attempt what for him should've been a chip shot. 3-0 Giants, right?
Wrong. Juanyeh Thomas of the Cowboys shot past Joshua Ezeudu* and blocked Gano's kick. The ball was picked up by Noah Igbinoghene, who ran it back 58 yards for the touchdown. 6-0 Boys. But like the voice on the advertisement says, "wait, there's more."
A field goal and a pick six made it 16-0 after the first quarter. Another field goal and two-yard run by Tony Pollard made it 26-0 after the second.
The heavens weren't the only thing pouring down on the Jints at halftime.
If you stuck around to watch the second half, you either believe in unicorns or you're a masochist. Because it went from ugly to humiliating. The Cowboys never relented and the Giants never responded. The final score of 40-0 was the second-worst margin of defeat in franchise history. A 45-0 beatdown by the Eagles in 1948 stands as the worst. When you gotta go all the way back to the '40s to bail your ass out, you're pathetic.
In his postgame presser, Head coach Brian Daboll said, "Don't sugarcoat it. It was a bad game."
A bad game? This team should be so lucky. Calling what happened at the Meadowlands "bad" is like calling the Atlantic ocean wet. The truth is the Cowboys took advantage of a Giants team that looked unprepared and completely overmatched.
As a rule I am not given to overreacting when it comes to my favorite sports teams. When the Rangers lost game seven against the Devils last spring, I felt it my duty to talk down from the ledge many fans who were convinced the team needed to be tore down and GM Chris Drury fired. A new coach, I argued, could fix what was wrong.
I had high hopes for this team going into their season opener against Dallas; a game I thought they could win. So believe me when I say that I am deeply concerned by what I saw last night. From the quarterback to the offensive line to the defense to the special teams, this was an epic fail across the board. Jones, in particular, looked like he had regressed back to where he was before the arrival of Daboll. Though to be completely fair, he was running for his life most of the game. The seven sacks the Cowboys registered don't begin to describe how dominant their front seven was. Micah Parsons looked liked the second coming of Lawrence Taylor.
But what troubled me the most was the total lack of compete. After the blocked field goal, there was virtually no pushback from Big Blue. They looked more like spectators than athletes. Coming from a team that last season was one of the most resilient teams in the NFL, it was a pitiful display.
What made it worse was that less than four hours away in New England, the Patriots fell behind the Eagles by an identical 16-0 score in the first quarter. But unlike the Giants, they summoned the testicular fortitude to make a game of it, scoring 14 unanswered points in the second quarter before eventually losing 25-20, in what turned out to be one of the more entertaining games of the day. In less time than it took the Lusitania to sink, the Giants went out with their collective tails between their legs. Like I said, pitiful.
The Giants won't have much time to feel sorry for themselves. Next Sunday, they fly out to Arizona to play the Cardinals, a game they should and must win. After that, the schedule gets considerably tougher: the 49ers in San Francisco, the Seahawks at home, followed by the Dolphins and Bills on the road. It is not inconceivable that this team could be 1-5 after six games. Last season, they jumped out to a 6-1 start.
Come to think of it, maybe a root canal would've been less painful.
* In an earlier version of this piece I wrote that it was Evan Neal (# 73) that Juanyeh Thomas shot past on the blocked field goal attempt. After reviewing the play several times, I realized it was actually Joshua Ezeudu (# 75) who was the culprit. This doesn't absolve Neal or his other line mates, all of whom had a brutal night.
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