Ain't That Pretty At All

You know, I just had a short vacation, Roy
Spent it getting a root canal
"Oh, how'd you like it?"
Well, it ain't that pretty at all

- Warren Zevon

With all due respect to the late Mr. Zevon, last night's "contest" at MetLife Stadium between the Giants and the Cowboys may not have been as painful as getting a root canal, but it definitely wasn't pretty at all. In fact, it was the ugliest game I've seen this franchise play in my lifetime, which includes the infamous "double reverse handoff" to Larry Csonka that wound up in the hands of Herman Edwards of the Eagles.

It started so promisingly. The Giants took the opening kickoff and drove down the field. Daniel Jones was doing what he'd done all last season: using his legs to evade pass rushers and navigating his team towards the end zone. It was 3rd and 2 at the Dallas eight yard line. It looked to all the world like Big Blue was going in for the touchdown.

That was when everything - and I do mean everything - fell apart. A false start by Andrew Thomas - their best offensive lineman last season - backed the Giants up to the Dallas 13 yard line. Now it was 3rd and 7. Still no problem; they should be able to convert, right?

Wrong. Jones was unable to corral a bad snap by rookie center John Michael Schmitz, who was so impressive during the preseason - and instead of 3rd and 7, it was 4th and 21 at the Dallas 27.

Goodbye touchdown. Oh well, at least they'd get a field goal out of it. Enter Graham Gano to attempt what for him should've been a chip shot. 3-0 Giants, right?

Wrong. Juanyeh Thomas of the Cowboys shot past Joshua Ezeudu* and blocked Gano's kick. The ball was picked up by Noah Igbinoghene, who ran it back 58 yards for the touchdown. 6-0 Boys. But like the voice on the advertisement says, "wait, there's more."

A field goal and a pick six made it 16-0 after the first quarter. Another field goal and two-yard run by Tony Pollard made it 26-0 after the second.

The heavens weren't the only thing pouring down on the Jints at halftime.

If you stuck around to watch the second half, you either believe in unicorns or you're a masochist. Because it went from ugly to humiliating. The Cowboys never relented and the Giants never responded. The final score of 40-0 was the second-worst margin of defeat in franchise history. A 45-0 beatdown by the Eagles in 1948 stands as the worst. When you gotta go all the way back to the '40s to bail your ass out, you're pathetic.

In his postgame presser, Head coach Brian Daboll said, "Don't sugarcoat it. It was a bad game." 

A bad game? This team should be so lucky. Calling what happened at the Meadowlands "bad" is like calling the Atlantic ocean wet. The truth is the Cowboys took advantage of a Giants team that looked unprepared and completely overmatched. 

As a rule I am not given to overreacting when it comes to my favorite sports teams. When the Rangers lost game seven against the Devils last spring, I felt it my duty to talk down from the ledge many fans who were convinced the team needed to be tore down and GM Chris Drury fired. A new coach, I argued, could fix what was wrong.

I had high hopes for this team going into their season opener against Dallas; a game I thought they could win. So believe me when I say that I am deeply concerned by what I saw last night. From the quarterback to the offensive line to the defense to the special teams, this was an epic fail across the board. Jones, in particular, looked like he had regressed back to where he was before the arrival of Daboll. Though to be completely fair, he was running for his life most of the game. The seven sacks the Cowboys registered don't begin to describe how dominant their front seven was. Micah Parsons looked liked the second coming of Lawrence Taylor.

But what troubled me the most was the total lack of compete. After the blocked field goal, there was virtually no pushback from Big Blue. They looked more like spectators than athletes. Coming from a team that last season was one of the most resilient teams in the NFL, it was a pitiful display. 

What made it worse was that less than four hours away in New England, the Patriots fell behind the Eagles by an identical 16-0 score in the first quarter. But unlike the Giants, they summoned the testicular  fortitude to make a game of it, scoring 14 unanswered points in the second quarter before eventually losing 25-20, in what turned out to be one of the more entertaining games of the day. In less time than it took the Lusitania to sink, the Giants went out with their collective tails between their legs. Like I said, pitiful.

The Giants won't have much time to feel sorry for themselves. Next Sunday, they fly out to Arizona to play the Cardinals, a game they should and must win. After that, the schedule gets considerably tougher: the 49ers in San Francisco, the Seahawks at home, followed by the Dolphins and Bills on the road. It is not inconceivable that this team could be 1-5 after six games. Last season, they jumped out to a 6-1 start.

Come to think of it, maybe a root canal would've been less painful.

* In an earlier version of this piece I wrote that it was Evan Neal (# 73) that Juanyeh Thomas shot past on the blocked field goal attempt. After reviewing the play several times, I realized it was actually Joshua Ezeudu (# 75) who was the culprit. This doesn't absolve Neal or his other line mates, all of whom had a brutal night.

One and Done in Dallas

Normally, I wouldn't give a shit about what happens in a playoff game involving the Dallas Cowboys, especially since my team has been dreadful for most of the last ten years. But given the travesty that occurred yesterday, I thought I'd put in my two cents.

That the Cowboys lost to the San Francisco 49ers should surprise no one. Let's be honest, given the playoff seeding, the Niners were the last team the Cowboys wanted to face in the playoffs. But the manner in which they lost is revealing of a team that has multiple issues, all of which came back to haunt them when push came to shove.

Let's start with the offensive coordinator. You have a two-headed monster in Ezekiel Elliott and Tony Pollard that at one point in the season was averaging 6 yards a pop from the line of scrimmage and you only call their number 16 times for a total of 45 yards, while at the same time calling 43 pass plays? Kellen Moore should be fired for being this inept.

Secondly, can we just admit that Dak Prescott is not an elite quarterback? Jerry Jones can pay him all the money he wants, he's not Tom Brady; nor is he Aaron Rodgers, or Patrick Mahomes, or Josh Allen, or Juston Herbert. All of the above QBs would've taken advantage of the multiple opportunities the Niners presented them and propelled their team to victory yesterday. The ugly truth is if you are depending on Dak to lead you to victory, get used to being disappointed. And that's saying something, given that my team still thinks Daniel Jones is a franchise quarterback.

Third, the officials didn't cost the Cowboys the game; poor clock management and bad play calling did. Think about it: With 14 seconds left in regulation, no timeouts and the ball at the Niners 41 yard line, instead of throwing a quick pass to the sidelines to get closer to the end zone, or attempting a couple of Hail Mary's from where they were, the Cowboys elected to call a quarterback draw up the middle for 17 yards to Niners 24 yard line. What happened next was bizarre. Apparently no one on this team knew that before they could spike the ball the umpire had to first spot it. So while the ump was doing his job, time ran out on the Cowboys season.

One and done!

How typical for a Mike McCarthy-led team. Despite all their talent and accolades, this was one of the most undisciplined and unprepared teams in the NFL this season. I'll say it again, this was a winnable game against an opponent that made its fair-share of mistakes and was minus its best defensive player Nick Bosa for most of the second half. Like I mentioned above, Brady or Rodgers would've found a way to win under similar conditions. Bottom line, the 49ers exposed the Cowboys for what they were: an overrated team that took advantage of playing in a poor division.

But rather than accept responsibility, McCarthy and his perennial underachiever Prescott deflected and blamed the officiating. Worse, Prescott, when informed that some fans had thrown things at the officials as they were headed off the field, approved of it, which in itself is a disgrace and worthy of a fine by the league. 

Never mind that McCarthy didn't know where the hell the ball was when the ill-fated play was run; he said in his press conference that it was on the 50 yard line when it was actually on the 41 yard line. Never mimd that he apparently doesn't think his quarterback has a good enough arm to successfully reach the end zone from midfield. Regardless of whoever called in that horrific play, he, as head coach, is responsible for the outcome. If he didn't know what the play was, shame on him for not knowing; and if he did know and signed off on it, shame on him for being that stupid.

Look, it's no sweat off my nose that the Dallas Cowboys were eliminated from the postseason. Truth be told, I revel in their fans' pain. But the group of players we saw on the field yesterday looked more like the Keystone Cops than a professional football team, and if I were Jerry Jones, I'd be real pissed right now. 

Will the Giants Benefit From Playing in the NFC East?

Last year, the Giants finished an abysmal 6-10, yet were still mathematically alive for a playoff spot pending the result of the Philadelphia / Washington game. And had former Eagles head coach Doug Pederson not decided to bench quarterback Jalen Hurts in the second half, the Jints might've snuck in. Unfortunately, he benched Hurts and the Washington Football Team wound up winning the game and, with it, the division with an underwhelming 7-9 record.

Welcome to the NFC Least, where mediocrity is the norm and excellence is a word best left to other teams. Indeed, it remains to be seen if the team that wins the division will even have a winning record. Thursday night's game between the Cowboys and Buccaneers notwithstanding, I haven't seen any evidence that indicates the road to Super Bowl 56 will go through any of this division's cities.

So, when all is said and done, will the Giants be the ones left standing after week 18? Remember starting this season each team has to play 17 games. The defense won't be the problem. In fact, this team should have one of the better defenses in the league. So where are the concerns? It comes down to several:

The Offensive Line. While it began to jell in the second half of last season, it reverted back to form during this preseason. Basically, it's still a work in progress, and if last year's number one pick Andrew Thomas doesn't pan out, this will be another in a long series of lost years.

Daniel Jones. The guy Dave Gettlemam took sixth overall in 2019 is entering his third season and, suffice to say, there's a lot riding on his shoulders. The issue is not his arm; it's his judgement. In a nutshell, he continues to make rookie mistakes. His decision in the Patriots game to force a throw into the end zone that got picked off is typical of so many errant passes he has thrown throughout his brief career. And while he's only thrown 22 INTs over two years, it's the timing of those pics that's problematic. When you combine that with his lack of pocket presence and the fact that the Giants have two first-round picks in next year's draft, this is Jones's make or break season.

Joe Judge. Judge's system of discipline has given this franchise something it hasn't had since Tom Coughlin was shown the door: accountability. But while Judge may have learned at the feet of legends like Nick Saban and Bill Belichick, it remains to be seen if his tough, take no prisoners approach is well suited to today's NFL. If the team gets off to another slow start, will he be able to hold the locker room? Offensive coordinator Jason Garrett is on the hot seat. Jones has not progressed the way the organization had hoped he would, and the play calling has been predictable. Defensive coordinator Patrick Graham seems on solid ground, but overall, the jury is still out on the rest of this group.

Saquon Barkley. The most talented offensive player on the team has had season-ending injuries the last two years. It is critical for the Giants that Barkley return to form, or at least as close to it as possible. Garrett will have to proceed with caution with the star running back over the first few games. That won't be easy given Barkley's nature and that fact that game two is next Thursday night. If Barkley does manage to stay healthy and Garrett can successfully thread the needle, the Giants might just have the multi-dimensional offense they've been dreaming about since they drafted the Penn State stud in 2018.

Washington and Dallas. The Washington Football Team has the best front seven in the league and Dallas's offense will rank in the top five or six. But both have their own issues to contend with. The Cowboys defense was horrific last season and even with the addition of Micah Parsons, it won't be that much better this season. Washington will go with Ryan Fitzpatrick at QB and hope they squeeze one more year out of that 38 year old arm. If you could somehow combine Dallas's offense with Washington's defense, you'd have a Super Bowl contender. Unfortunately, you can't. And therein lies the problem for both teams.

One final thought: In 2016, the Giants made it to the postseason as a wild card on the strength of an outstanding secondary and a below average offense. One can only wonder what a healthy Barkley would've meant to this team in 2020. Remember, they only missed the playoffs by a single game last year.

That being said, here are my final predictions for the NFC East:

Washington: 9-8

Dallas: 8-9

Giants: 8-9

Eagles: 5-12

As with all my predictions, you can take them with a grain of salt. And if you're dumb enough to wager any money on them and you lose, my evil twin Ivan is the one responsible.

Nightmare at Dallas

I was going to title this posting Return of the Fumble, but the above title will suffice. Besides, there was only one true culprit that November day at the Meadowlands and at least Bob Gibson, the offensive coordinator who called that ridiculous play, got his just deserts. Last Sunday's loss had a litany of villains.

Let's start with the head coach. It pains me to say this, but Tom Coughlin needs to go. He simply isn't up to handling a team the way a head coach needs to. There is simply no excuse for him not making sure his assistant coach and quarterback were on the same page. With just under 2 minutes left in the game, up by three and the ball at the 2 yard line, with no timeouts left for Dallas, how in the world do you allow a pass play to be called by your offensive coordinator? The correct call is a run up the middle. If you get in, the game is over; if you don't, you run another 40 seconds off the clock and you kick a field goal. The Cowboys would have about 58 seconds left in which to march the length of the field instead of a minute 38 seconds. Tom blew it big time.

But even allowing for the Coughlin meltdown, Eli Manning should've known that the Cowboys had no timeouts left - and if he didn't, shame on him. If he didn't have a man open in the end zone, the correct play was to fall down on the ball and take the sack. Again, the Giants would've kicked a field goal and Dallas would've gotten the ball back with under a minute to play. Manning should know better. No excuse.

But now we come down to the defensive coordinator: Steve Spagnuolo. For most of the game, his players made life hell for the Cowboys. They relentlessly pursued Dallas and forced three turnovers, two of which lead to scores for the Giants. But on the last two Cowboy possessions, they were nowhere to be found. Saying they were soft would do a disservice to the word soft. Dallas marched down the field twice virtually uncontested. The winning drive took all of 90 seconds. Tony Romo could've had a ham sandwich and a cup of coffee in the pocket, that's how pathetic the Giants' defense looked. This was the epitome of a prevent defense.

All three of these geniuses have a lot of explaining to do. They didn't just snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, like that infamous 1978 Giants team did that November Sunday; they let a team that had outplayed them but made several bad plays steal a game they had no right to win.

That's right, this was a game the Giants by all accounts should not have won, but were less than 2 minutes away from taking. The Cowboys had the ball most of the game and controlled the line of scrimmage. Had they not turned the ball over three times, the Giants would never have been in a position to win at all.

And that's what makes this loss so brutal. For most of the game, the Giants teased their fans and had them thinking, maybe we're not so bad after all. And then the roof fell in and reality came back to bite them in the ass. They've had moments like this in the Coughlin era - way too many for my taste. But this one stung more than all the others combined.

The Giants will try to spin this by saying, "it's one game, we'll learn from this and not let it happen again." Sure they will. And I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you for a wooden nickel.

The football Giants have been making way too many excuses for way too long. It has been four years since the team last had a winning record and that just happened to be the year they last won the Super Bowl.

The sad truth is that if the Giants ever expect Eli Manning to deliver another title they are going to have to get him a coaching staff and yes a G.M. (you didn't think I had forgotten about you, Jerry Reese?). Both the offensive and defensive lines are a mess and both the secondary and linebackers are thin. John Beason's absence proved fatal on that last Cowboy drive.

It is the job of the general manager to get the best players for his coaching staff, and it is the coaching staff's job to make sure they get the best out of those players come game time. Both have been utter failures these last few years and it's high time that Steve Tisch and John Mara realized this and pulled the plug on this current group.

Enough with the lame excuses. Enough with coming up short and allowing games to get away. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over. For the Giants, that has become a mantra.

A Mugging in Dallas

I won't mince words. I hate the Cowboys. I've hated them for years, decades in fact. I hate how smug their fans are and I especially resent that they call themselves America's team. Even the Yankees - who it should be noted have considerably more championships - don't have the nerve to refer to themselves as America's team.

That being said, what happened last night was atrocious and an embarrassment. The Detroit Lions got mugged, period. Please spare me all the "it wasn't a clear-cut penalty" and "the Lions still had time to recover and win the game" drivel. Try telling that to the city of Detroit. They have every right to feel like they got screwed. Because they did.

I don't know which I find more offensive, the incompetence of the officiating crew or the litany of irrelevant explanations from apologists who are more concerned with protecting the integrity of the NFL than calling a spade a spade. One such example of this was from Frank Schwab of Yahoo Sports who managed to come up with a whopping five reasons for why the Lions lost, none of which, surprise, had to do with the call. In the interest of common sense, allow me to dispense with all five.

1. The Lions should have gone for it on 4th down. Really, no REALLY! That's your strategy? Eight minutes to go, up by three, at midfield. You want to risk giving the ball back to the opponent with a short field? I'm glad you're not a coach; you'd be fired. Head coach Jim Caldwell made the right call - the ONLY call he could've made. He decided to punt the ball and force Dallas to go the length of the football field. Given that the Cowboys had only scored 17 points up until that call, he had every reason to believe his defense was capable of making a stop. Had he gone for it, he would've been saying he had no faith in his defense. Worse, if he went for it and didn't make it, his head would rightly be on the chomping block. You don't take that kind of gamble that late in a playoff game.

2. The kicker shanked the punt. What can I say, shit happens. Tell me you knew he was going to do that and I'll buy you a house. 99 times out of a hundred, the punt goes off without a hitch. At the very least, the Cowboys would've gotten the ball at the 20 yard line; at most, the ball would've been downed near the goal line. You count on players to make plays. When they don't, it can prove costly. Shank or no shank, the call reversal is still unacceptable.

3. No one play wins or loses a game. This one's a beaut. First of all that statement depends on when the play occurs. For instance, three years ago the Giants were playing the Packers in the playoffs. Aaron Rogers threw a pass to a receiver who caught the ball and then was stripped of it as he was being tackled. Everyone who saw the play knew it was a fumble, but the call on the field was down by contact. The call even withstood a challenge by Giants' head coach Tom Coughlin. On the very next play Rogers threw a touchdown pass. It was still very early in the game and the Giants had plenty of time to recover from the blown call, which they did. They ended up routing the Packers. Had that call happened later in the game, there's no telling what might've happened. The point is you can't simply make a blanket statement like the above without knowing all the details. If the call is upheld, the Lions have the ball first and 10 at the Cowboy 26 yard line with just over eight minutes to go. They could've scored another touchdown, making it a two-score game for the Cowboys; they could've potentially run out the clock; or, at the very least, taken a good chunk of time off it before giving up the football deep in Cowboys' territory. They were denied that opportunity. End of story.

4. If the Lions had simply beaten the Packers the week before, they would've had a bye and hosted a home game next week. So, I guess it's okay then if the Packers had been the ones robbed. I just don't understand this reasoning. What difference does it make whether the Lions were home or on the road or whether the Packers would've been the team on the road? None of this is relevant. A bad call is a bad call, no matter where you are or which teams are involved.

5. It wasn't a clear-cut penalty. I don't know which universe you're in but that was about as clear a penalty as you're likely to see in the NFL. In fact, Hitchens, the Cowboys' linebacker who committed the foul, actually was holding Lions' tight end Pettigrew's jersey before the actual pass interference was committed. So he could've been called for either foul or maybe even both. It happens all the time. In fact, holding penalties are so common place in the league, a defender can be called for one for just breathing on the receiver. Furthermore, when Cowboys' receiver Dez Bryant ran onto the field with his helmet off, a penalty should've been called just for that. So that's three pretty cut and dried penalties. Don't take my word for it; take the word of Dean Blandino, the NFL head of officiating, who said all three fouls were committed and should've been called.

So there you have it. A horrific call which badly tainted what was up to that point a pretty good game. One team goes home empty handed; the other lives to play another game. And, once more, the NFL is embroiled in an embarrassing controversy that was avoidable. They say the worst errors are the unforced ones. This was one helluva unforced error.


Go Packers!